Chapter 4

That night, I slipped the pills into Ethan's water again.

At midnight, I drifted into his room like a ghost.

I used his fingerprint to unlock his phone.

I found his messages with the woman from the blind date and read through all of them in one go.

This was their first day knowing each other, and they'd already exchanged that much? They'd even said goodnight to each other!

Didn't they realize goodnight was one of the most intimate things you could say to someone?

He'd even sent her cute little sticker emojis.

He had never sent me stickers like that.

God, I was jealous.

So unbearably jealous.

I tossed the phone aside and wrapped both hands around Ethan's throat.

Squeezed. Slowly tighter. Then let go all at once.

No marks. I couldn't leave any marks.

He was too perceptive. He'd suspect something.

I sat in silence for a while.

Then I lifted the duvet and pressed myself into his arms.

"What am I supposed to do..." I murmured to myself, listening to his heartbeat.

"I want to marry you too, Ethan. But you'd think that was terrifying, wouldn't you?"

Nothing but quiet.

I curled up against him and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

I don't know why, but I slept so heavily that night.

My watch vibrated for a full five minutes before I finally jolted awake.

Ethan was still out cold, thank God.

I carefully climbed out of bed.

My legs gave out the moment I stood — I nearly fell right back onto him.

Strange.

I hadn't had anything to drink last night. So why did my whole body ache like the morning after a long night out?

...Whatever. Too tired to think about it.

I went back to my room and dropped onto my bed to keep sleeping.

From that day on, I added one more thing to my list of covert activities.

Reading Ethan's messages with his blind date.

The two of them seemed genuinely headed toward something serious. Their conversations were getting deeper by the week.

I was both sick with envy and gnawed raw by anxiety.

And there wasn't a single thing I could do to stop it.

Another month slipped by.

Valentine's Day arrived.

I'd bought a tie weeks in advance — planning to act like I had no idea what day it was, and give it to him like it was nothing.

But ten thirty came and went. Ethan still wasn't home.

My chest felt knotted and heavy, the kind of suffocating tightness where you can't quite catch your breath.

He'd promised me. He always made it home by half past ten.

Where was he? A date?

Even if it was a date — even if he couldn't be back on time — shouldn't he have told me? Or did he think... a promise made so long ago wasn't one he needed to keep anymore?

I bit down on my lip.

Every sweep of the second hand felt like it was pulling my heart down another inch.

An eternity seemed to pass before the front door finally sounded.

I rushed to open it.

Ethan's expression was surprised. "You're still up, Zoe?"

He didn't say a word about coming home late.

My heart sank another notch.

I trailed after him into the living room, face clouded.

That's when I saw it.

On the back of Ethan's collar — a bright red lipstick mark.

He was tall. That spot was somewhere a woman would have to stand on her toes to reach.

A sharp, burning surge of jealousy hit me straight in the head.

I could picture it perfectly. That beautiful woman slipping her arms around him from behind, confessing her feelings.

Were they really moving that fast?

"Zoe."

Ethan turned around.

I looked down immediately.

I drove my nails into my palm and let the pain hold back the emotion that was swallowing me whole.

"It's late. Go on up to bed."

He said it, then stepped into the bathroom to shower.

He had no idea that in the sound of running water, I was standing just outside the door.

The metal trim along the floor reflected my face back at me. Pale. Shadowed.

He's mine.

The reflection said it.

He's mine.

I said it back.